The inside scoop on Trump’s insanely healthy body. Plus: Who will win the award for best sexual harassment apology of the year?

How to tell if you’re dating an ally man or a garbage can. Plus: Trickle-down economics is a scam.

Pros and cons of total nuclear apocalypse. Plus: Gunning for delicious office snacks.

Why is no one talking about the role of tentacle voters? Plus: An upbeat ditty about nuclear war.

Finally, women get their equal pay—in spaaaaace! Plus: One mom’s helpful tips on parenting hungover.

Healthcare for all?! That absurd idea must be destroyed! Plus: Exposing the hidden dangers of teleportation. And for the last time, there’s no such thing as the pee tape.

A dispatch from Trump’s glorious robotic future. Plus: When your doctor’s a prankster!

A white male ally finally gets all the trophies he deserves. Plus: Dog parks unleashed.

Reduce, reuse, recycle—or we’re all gonna die! Plus: An aura-healing digital detox cleanse.

The tape is out there. Plus, what missing a couple days of news gets you, a hilarious new cop show, or is that horrifying? And totally real conspiracy theories. Totally.